One of These Days I'll Get it Right
by MegABlue
Summary: Ashley lives in a world of her own and wouldn't notice what was going on even if it was happening right in front of her in her most aware state. The biggest problem she has lies in herself and her ability to see what is sitting right in front of her.
1. Chapter 1

I haven't written in over a year and even then I couldn't finish a story to save my life. I figured I'd give it one last try before I put away the pen for good. (metaphorically speaking of course)

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"Sooooo how do you fall out of love with someone?"

"Spencer you know I hate when you ask me questions like that! I've never been in love so I have no reason to fall out of it!" It was probably one of the most true things I have ever said to the girl. Me and love? That's like warm ice water and that sounds absolutely ridiculous. If anyone should know exactly how ridiculous it should be Spencer.

"I know." She lays down next to me and I can't help but smile at the look on her face. The second she looks at me I instantly wipe it off. She can't know that I think she's absolutely crazy. By crazy I mean adorable but that will stay between me, myself and I. "I just figured I'd talk to you about it. You always know what to do! I would be lost without you." Her eyes immediately avert to my bed spread and once again a smile braces me face. It's good to know I'm good for something you know besides for, well nothing.

"Is this about Aiden?" She nods. "I thought you guys were getting along great. He never shuts up about you and you never stop talking about him. Aiden this and Aiden that." It's true. I'm glad they both have someone but they don't need to tell me everything that goes on. They're so cute it's almost disgusting. Once I had to leave because I was positive my lunch was going to come back up. It would have been a waste to say the least.

"I thought we were too, but then yesterday happened." Her eyes are everywhere but at me. What happened yesterday? Did he show her how many hot-dogs he can eat in five minutes? I must admit it is quite disturbing. I know that isn't the case though. She's not judgmental and if that was what happened she would have came here right away and we'd be laughing about it.

Do I say something? Or am I suppose to wait for her to tell me what happened? I don't want her to think I'm prying but at the same time I don't want her to think I don't care. Why are girls so difficult? It's so hard to tell what they want. Hell, they don't even know what they want! How the hell am I suppose to know what they want? I'm waiting for her to say something. She will, because she has to. Doesn't she? Isn't there a rule that if you bring something up that you have to go through with saying it? Well if there isn't it's obvious there should be. As a matter of fact I'm putting it into place right now.

"Spencer, just tell me! This guessing or waiting thing is going to slowly suck my soul out of me. It's like 'I know something you don't know'. Except it's literally 'I know something you don't know'." I hear her the sigh and finally she makes eye contact with me. I'm really starting to question if I want to know but that's dumb because I know I really want to know. Any minute now. Maybe an hour. At this rate it might be a day or two. "Just spit it out! For the love of Jesus." She gives me a look and I know she's not happy with my word choice. Who knew Jesus was such a touchy subject? "For the love of I don't know just tell me."

"Okay!" This better be good. I swear if it's an over-hyped thing I will metaphorically slap her. I'm not really one for abuse so that'll have to do. Maybe I should go make some popcorn, but if it's short then I'll feel like it's a waste. "Ash!" Right I'm suppose to be listening, I knew that.

"Yes, sorry. You were just taking so long. You have got my attention now, I promise." Maybe I should go to a movie tonight. All this popcorn talk makes me want to see a movie. She's giving me a look. I should really work on the attention thing. "Sorry. I apologize. Please continue." And again with the sighing!

"I was over at his house yesterday night..." maybe this will be really weird to listen to. "and his parents weren't home." Oh God. "So we were on the couch watching a movie..." Ruined my movie night. " and his hand was conveniently on my thigh. I didn't really know what to do so I just smiled. The next thing I know I'm on my back my shirt half unbuttoned along with my jeans..." Waaaaay too much information. " but it didn't feel right. I didn't want it. I looked at him and it was like something clicked. Don't get me wrong! I completely love him I just don't want the sex aspect of it. Maybe I don't love him as much as I think or maybe it's completely platonic."

"Spencer you are blowing this way out of proportion. Maybe you just aren't ready for sex. You can love someone and not want to have sex with them." At least I think. I wouldn't really know. I've never been in love but I've had sex a lot. I don't want to tell her that though. The last thing I need is a crying Aiden. Seriously, he's such a girl. At the same time I don't want to tell Spencer the wrong thing. Why do people come to me for advice? Does no-one know I'm possibly the worst person for this stuff? If you want to know about positions and techniques that's fine. Well that's directed more for Aiden. I would have no idea what to tell Spencer if she asked. The best advice I could give about a guy is don't do it, girls are better. Spencer is not asking that though. She wants to know why she doesn't want her boyfriend that she is in love with. The only advice I can give is she's not ready. What if I'm wrong? What if she just doesn't love him?

"I'm pretty sure you have to be in love to fall out of love with them. I don't know much about the subject but I'm pretty sure it's a requirement." Maybe she was in love with him. Maybe I'm insulting her by insinuating that she wasn't.

I have really got to get some new, less dramatic, friends.

xxxxxxxx

Spencer is amazing beautiful. Not in the sense that I'm perving over her but more so that anyone with eyes can tell she is attractive. Her blonde hair and blue eyes makes everyone envious but it goes beyond physical appearance. She has got to be the sweetest girl in the world.

When she started to date Aiden I must admit that I was quite shocked. Aiden is a total douche who is all looks no personality. Hearing the guy talk is a treat in it's own. At first he said approximately three words to Spencer and within that week they were dating. Honestly, I have no idea how a guy like Aiden got a girl like Spencer.

Now if Aiden got a girl like Madison then the world would make a bit more sense. Madison only cares about what's on the outside. If Aiden never said a word and just stood there and looked pretty I'm sure it'd be a lasting relationship. The two of them are compatible. Spencer and Aiden, however, I never saw the compatibility. I'm not Cosmo but I like to think I have some common sense. Telling Spencer that her boyfriend is complete douche bag isn't on my list of things to do however. If she thinks their meant to be and their horoscopes say so then who am I to argue? Simply put I'll let her make her own decisions. Maybe I'll slide in a few hints if she ever brings up the falling out of love question. Obviously she wouldn't ask for my opinion if she didn't want it. Or maybe she asked for it because she wanted me to agree with her. Seriously, it's just one confusing moment after another. It could go either way and that's why I spend my time by myself. It means I don't have to guess what people want.

As I said, I need new friends. Preferably ones who talk little and don't want to sleep with me. So people like Aiden are out of the picture. It'd also be nice if they weren't stuck up bitches so that pretty much crosses out every girl at King except for Spencer. Maybe the new friends things isn't such a good idea. Also, I may have over-exaggerated on the friends part of it. Friend seems more accurate. Why is high school so hard? Why are relationships with people so hard? People should really start to learn to be straightforward. Of course by doing that it makes me seem like a hypocrite because I'm the least straightforward person in the world. Better yet, everyone should be straightforward except for me! Life would be so much easier if that were the case.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Thanks to anyone reading. Tell me what you think, or not; it's up to you.

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I don't like Aiden, if you haven't guessed. Simply put, I put up with Aiden. Aiden is dating Spencer and Spencer is the only tolerable person I know. Saying this makes me look like a loner who hates people and if that's the description you've come up with it wouldn't be far from the truth. People and me tend to not mix well because people have odd standards. I'm gay and gay is not the way. Those signs that say God hates fags and what not? Those can usually find a home on my locker. I tend to avoid people especially people who carry around poster boards or spray paint.

Spray paint and I used to get along rather well but my sophomore year spray paint let me down. The DIE written across my locker in spray paint totally ruined the relationship. In away it feels like spray paint cheated on me. Then again maybe it stood for something else. For instance Dumb Ideas Exist. I think it's plausible because spray painting on my locker was a dumb idea. We have cameras at my school and even though they don't if you throw out homophobic remarks they do care about vandalism.

Anyway I'm sitting at a table watching Spencer and Aiden giggling at each other about something. To be honest I don't know what. Between the vandalism story and the hot brunette stretching to my left, their laughing doesn't seem that interesting.

Now I can't see the brunette because a giant monster is blocking her. Can't I just have one day of good views?

"Spencer there's a party at my house for winning the big game tonight." We haven't even played the big game so it seems like a cocky remark. In away I hope we lose but that would make Spencer sad so I retract that statement. Her brother Glen needs to win this game because he needs the scouts to see him. Spencer would be devastated if her brother couldn't go to college. I'd be the crying shoulder and that does have it's perks. She would be touching me which always makes me feel important. On the other hand I don't want my best friend to be upset. "Can I count on you being there?" I kinda forgot that Madison was still talking. To be honest she's quite scary and I would tell her that but it's letting my guard down.

"Yeah, Ash and I will be there." I feel special because Spencer mentioned me and not Aiden. On the other hand the glares I'm getting from Madison and Aiden make me feel awkward. I can not show this so I'll put on a front and smile at her. At least someone notices me.

"I'll be there too Madison." I forgot he was still here. See how important he is?

"You don't have a choice Aiden. You will be one of the guests of honor." Madison winks at him and walks away. I'm pretty sure you shouldn't wink at your friends boyfriend but I really wouldn't know.

Spencer's looking down at the table and Aiden kisses her head before saying something about class. He and Madison walk to class together and this seems to have a worse effect on Spencer's mood. He's a douche and I'm glad he's gone. I reach for her hand but it immediately finds its' way from the table. It's no real loss I suppose. I grab my journals and books I'd been pretending to look at and throw them in my bag. If she doesn't want me around to comfort her then I'll just leave. This isn't my loss.

"Bye Spencer." She doesn't say anything back to me and I want to be upset. I let this feeling pass because if there's one thing I've learned in high school it's that you can't let these types of things get to you. Part of me expects her to follow me so I look back only to see she's still sitting at the table but now she's resting her head on arms. I want to go back and maybe convince her to leave. We could talk about the problem better if we were at my home. I watch her get up as the bell rings and figure it's too late to do anything. Later she and I will figure this out. I'll cheer her up like I always do. I walk to math with a smile on my face.

--

Spencer doesn't talk to me at school at all. Usually I go to the games to watch her cheer and to cheer on Glen. I sit with her family that is actually quite accepting. Tonight I'm not sure if I'm going to go. Spencer didn't seem to be all to happy with me and she hasn't said anything. Personally I think it would be awkward to just show up and sit with her family. At the same time I don't know if I'm still expected to go to the party. Madison and I don't go well together and I wouldn't be caught dead at a king high party if it weren't for Spencer. Do I wait or should I text her? Maybe she'll just forget all together. This should bother me more. Surprisingly I couldn't care less. Perhaps I'm getting my wish.

I give in and grab my phone from the night-stand. Maybe I'd put it on silent and had forgotten about it. Sometimes I forget about my phone. Of course that's just wishful thinking and there is no message or a missed phone call. I'm not big on sighing but I let one slip. Contacts, Spencer, send new message. I just stare at the screen for awhile. In all honesty I have no idea what I'm going to say. To be honest I'm probably blowing this way out of proportion. Spencer is probably just busy with the family and getting ready for cheer. I'll go to the game and sit with her family. After that we'll go to the party and she'll be acting normal, whatever normal is.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note: Thanks for reading. Probably won't be writing for awhile, but you never know.

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The gym is really loud. No matter which way you look green and purple invade your eye sight. At the moment I'm more concerned with finding Spencer's parents but it really isn't that hard. They sit in the same spot every time I come. Middle section fifth row and I see the older blonde and her husband. I sigh in relief. It feels good seeing them and the second they see me they smile and wave me up. Arthur, Spencer's father, takes me in a hug. The Carlin's are the closest thing that I have to Family. Spencer was afraid to tell them that I was gay because she wasn't sure how her mom would respond. Both Spencer and I were quite relieved when "So your point is?" left her mothers lips. It may have been because Mrs. Carlin had just asked if we wanted to play a game of clue and Spencer responded with Ashley's gay.

Either way they have been quite accepting. I wish I had parents like Spencer's but we can't all have parents that realize that you exist. This isn't time to get carried away with such thoughts.

"Hey, Mr and Mrs Carlin. Did I miss anything important?" finally let go of me and nodded excitedly.

"Yes! Duke is here and UCLA and USC and Penn State!" He was excited. So was . She was behind Arthur nodding her head just as animatedly. Their excitement must have rubbed off on me because I had never been so excited for a basketball game.

We all sat down and waited for the game to start. You could hear roaring all over the gym and it echoed. One side would scream something and then the other side would scream it back with their team name. The Cobras vs the Rattlers. I suppose everyone just names their school team after snakes but I'm not going to judge, it could be much worse. The game is about to start and I only know this because of the loud buzzing sound.

I see Spencer down sitting with the cheerleaders but she doesn't look up this way and she seems rather distracted. Doesn't matter because their introducing the team and I listen to the announcer.

"Aiden Dennison and finally Glen Carlin!" The whole room erupts into applause. This is to go to the state championship. This is Aiden and Glen's last year on the team and everyone is excited to go for victory. I don't really know what it's called so saying gold may make me sound extremely stupid.

The first half goes by with screaming at each other but finally it comes to half-time. The Cobras make their way to the locker room with a score of 56-42. The Cobras have a huge chance of making it to state but Aiden is playing like shit. He lost control of the ball about 7 times and luckily Glen made the recovery. Aiden is starting to look pissed off at Glen but it's his own fault. If he can't hold on to the ball why the hell is he point guard? I will never understand coaches.

None the less, that's the last thing on my mind. Now it's Spencer's time to shine and I plan to watch every moment of it. I am, however, slightly distracted by the brunette that I saw earlier. She has a very pretty smile and I find myself smiling at her. Arthur must see this because he gently nudges me and I go back to watching Spencer.

They start with some flips. Then they do something that involves bending and springing. I have no idea what it is called and I never even thought to ask Spencer. For a second I feel bad and I feel even worse thinking that I hadn't even been paying attention to her. What kinda friend doesn't take an interest in her best friends sport? The routine ends and I see everyone stand up and cheer. In my thinking I missed the whole performance. Sometimes I wonder why Spencer is friends with me.

I excuse myself from the Carlin's and rush to the bath room. I have some serious thinking to do. For once I need to be a better friend to Spencer and get my priorities right. Come tomorrow I'll probably forget I had this conversation with myself. This only serves to make me feel worse about myself.

--

The Carlin's are hugging and congratulating Glen on the win. They congratulated Aiden but he just walked away with a scowl and Spencer ran after him. She has yet to notice that I even exist. For a second I kind of question it myself. The second Glen hugs me the world seems to fall into place and I hug him back.

"Good job Glen. I'm proud of you." He doesn't say anything to me but I feel his smile and I know he's happy because he squeezes me tighter. The embrace soon comes to an end as he walks away to go talk to the rest of his team. Usually after games the Carlin's go out for dinner and bring me with but Spencer runs back into the gym and whispers into her fathers ear. He looks upset but nods his head. Then she runs away back to Aiden and grabs his hand. I don't show that I'm let down and I smile at Arthur. For some reason I think he knows that something isn't right but I don't question it.

"Spencer's going out to celebrate with Aiden." He's smiling but it doesn't reach his eyes. I know he's not happy about it.

"You agreed to that!?" Paula is angry and I could see why. Glen should be getting the attention from his sister. It's a literal case of bro's before hoes. Glen runs up excited holding Madison's hand.

"Mom, Dad, Madison and I are going to go out with Spencer and Aiden. I figured the family could celebrate tomorrow." It's a losing battle so they just agree. I don't know where this leaves me because I have no where to go.

"Ashley, you can still come over, wait up for Spencer?" I know Paula is only trying to make me feel like I fit in somewhere. I don't fit in and I know it. If I go over there and Spencer doesn't want me there or doesn't come home from the party tonight I would feel quite awkward. The choice isn't hard to make and I shake my head. Paula looks defeated. "Okay, then we'll see you tomorrow for the celebration that was suppose to take place tonight." She glares towards Glen but it's in a playful manner.

"Ash you could come out with the four of us?" But by the look on Madison's face I know that's not an option either so I simply deny the offer with a shake of the head.

The Carlin's leave and so do Glen and Madison. Yesterday I could have swore this was what I wanted and now that I'm getting it I'm finding it to be quite the burden. My pocket vibrates

1 new text

Spencer: u goin 2 Madison's party?

Me: No.

I'm still standing in the gym waiting for everyone to clear out. Even after everyone is gone I'm still waiting for a text back. It doesn't come. Just as I'm getting into my car my pocket vibrates.

1 new text

Spencer:ok

And that's all she has to say. I'm her best friend and all she can say is okay. I have no idea what happened from this afternoon till now but I can say that I'm not a fan of my current situation. I re-read her text message a few times. ok. Just ok. This shouldn't bother me so much. For some reason I have the urge to say something back as if I have the right to the last word.

Me: yeah.

I don't have a right to the last word but for some reason it makes me feel better. At the moment I don't have my best friend to make me feel better so I'll stick to the only comfort I have. That comfort lies in just a single word.

yeah.

--

Tonight should be a happy night filled with partying with friends and people close to me. It's only 8:30 so I should be out with the Carlin's eating dinner and celebrating the times yet to come. Instead I'm at home lying in bed. I've actually opened up a book and I'm reading the words on the pages. All my sarcasm has been wiped out. My plans were to hang out with Spencer's family and then with Spencer but those plans have been wiped clean as well. So I'm doing the next best thing; reading a book. Don't worry it won't last long. Maybe five to ten minutes in which I'll put in a movie and fall asleep. I really have no idea when I got so pathetic.

Don't get me wrong, _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_ is a great book but at the moment I'm tried of reading and my eyes have started to burn a bit. So I go to my DVD collection and put in a DVD of a movie Spencer and I made when we were 13. Well Spencer made it, Glen and I got the privilege of acting in it. I flick the light next to my bed off and turn on the bloopers. I just want to hear Spencer yell at us about how we need to remember our lines and come in on cue. We were young and didn't care. It's 9:30 and I decide to rest my eyes. I really meant to just rest my eyes but I fall asleep very quickly. I'm a true teenager. Or maybe I'm the equivalent of 10 year old. It's been a rough day.


End file.
